Today I was talking to a girlfriend. Venting a bit about the hubby. Yes, you can be madly in love and still vent a little. Just keeping it real. This friend is on my board or directors (trusted individuals who want what’s best for me – not what THEY think I need- but what’s really best for me).
For some reason I feel like I should lay down the rules of engagement about venting. So Wifeys listen up.
Don’t go telling everyone your business.
#1 Venting should have a clear intention. You’re looking for an opinion or a solution or clearly need to talk to someone before you lose your mind. But still set an intention.
#2 Only vent to those who are tried and true and fully vetted. Not everyone is worthy to take part in the vent session. Choose one or two people who will check you when you need to be checked and point things out to you when you are blinded by co-dependency or too much anger. Never vent to someone who will hold a grudge towards your husband. Your job is to protect him while still taking care of you. So, don’t go telling everyone your business
#3 Keep the negativity to a minimum. We all need those times we need a second opinion, but nagging and negativity can easily become a habit. Check your negativity before it infuses every aspect of your life.
#5 Remember, your instinct, your intuition is the primary decision maker. Even though your vent partner may be tried and true. You still hold the key. This is your life. Your intuition is a priority.
#6 (The KICKER) Share both the good and bad. Whaaattttt!!. Hold up, hold up, hold up….
This is we’re ish gets real. #6 is where my epiphany happened.
When I was having a venting session with one of my most trusted confidants. She said, “I’m hearing more bad than good.” What! Now I have been in some horrible relationships and trust me in this relationship. The good faaaaaaarrrr out weighs the bad. But then I realized I’ve only been making a big deal about the bad stuff. mostly share the bad stuff. Eeekkkk. What the what?
I better check myself before I wreck myself.
I have taken pride on saying “ I’m gonna keep it real. So people really know what marriage is about.” But, if I’m only sharing the bad with my confidant and not all the other great stuff that happens during the day, then they’ll have a distorted view of the relationship.
I had to check myself. On the surface I think I held back from sharing all the loving mushy stuff for fear of potentially making my confidant feel bad about being single. Then I looked a little deeper and realized I had a habit of playing small or shrinking, trying to not be “all that” – that’s some childhood stuff. So, today I vow to share all the wonderful things the hubby does too.
I’m here to tell you if you don’t check your baggage and get rid of some stuff, life will start charging and you never know when those fees for overweight baggage will show up.
I challenge you wives (me included) for every negative thing you share about your husband, share two amazing things about him. And don’t tell me you can’t think of any, because you married the guy.
NOTE: Venting doesn’t excuse you from quiet time with yourself and God and it doesn’t the place of truly communicating with your spouse.
Let me know what your thoughts are bout venting. Do you need to evaluate your board of directors? Leave Comment below.