I’m currently single but I really want to be in a relationship. I’ve heard conflicting advice: some people say that it has to happen naturally and other people say that you should map out a plan to find your partner. What’s the truth of the matter? Should I make a plan, or is that too manufactured?
-Baffled Gina in Newport, Rhode Island
Dear Baffled Gina,
To put it simply, both sets of advice are correct! It does have to happen naturally, but the truth is that when you really know yourself and your “moda operandi,” so to speak, you can create a plan that works well for you and brings in the results you want.
Whether you’re single or in a relationship it’s important to understand who you are and what you want to create. Why is this so important? Well, if you’re highly career-driven and envision a life of luxurious foreign travel and hobnobbing with the social elite, dating a broke musician who hates Corporate America and lives out of his backpack might not be the right fit for you!
Okay, that was an exaggeration, but you get the idea. I tell my clients to start by looking at the big picture: What is it that you want in your life?
I always like to get women journaling. So, they have the opportunity to get to know themselves better. You’d be surprised how often we go through life without really considering our thoughts, actions and desires!
When you know these things about yourself, you have a better understanding of your strengths and weaknesses and you’ll have a keener eye for finding the relationship of your dreams.
For example, I’m a boisterous, risk-taking, jump-off-a-bridge kind of girl. My husband is patient, calm and slow to make decisions, which compliments my qualities really well. Of course, even though we’re different in these ways, we still have a lot of things in common! It’s not that he’s completely different, it’s just that we “go together” really well.
I’ve been with guys who are the life of the party. You know the type, the guys who are the fun-loving center of attention and have a million friends. The ones who always have a hilarious story to share, and after a certain point, you just want them to shut up! Those guys might make a great partner for a naturally shy woman, but I found that when I spent time with those people, I would shrink.
In journaling and knowing who I was, I was able to pinpoint characteristics that I really value in my life. That way, when I was dating someone, I could easily look for those characteristics and make a clearer choice about whether that person was really a fit for what I wanted to create.
Now, of course none of this goes without chemistry! That’s an important (and really fun) cornerstone of love that shouldn’t be ignored.
So, Gina, to sum it up, I recommend that you do have some idea of what you’re looking for in a future partner. Let yourself daydream a bit and spend some time journaling. Then, if you decide (for instance) that an outdoorsy, charismatic type would be a good fit for you, think about where you might meet that person and take action from that place of inner knowing.
Having your intention in mind will create a really nice structure for things to happen “naturally.” Catch my drift?
What characteristics do you look for in a potential partner? How were you able to identify these qualities?
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KEY WORDS: Natasha McCrea, Natasha McRea, Love CEO, LoveCEO, CEO love, love like a boss, Love CEO Institute, love tips, love FAQ, relationship advice, make a dating plan, dating with intention, intentional dating