Ugh. The holidays are coming up and I’m single (again!). I hate watching all the lovey couples hold hands and snuggle in public – it’s just a reminder that I am all alone. How can I find a way to actually enjoy the holiday season without resenting every couple I see?
-Lonely Jaime in New York
Dear Lonely Jaime,
I hear you! It can be hard during the holiday season. I even heard a conspiracy once that some men will break up with a woman right before Thanksgiving and get back together with her right after Valentine’s Day to avoid the hectic and family-filled holidays (let’s hope no one is dating that kind of man!).
Let’s get to the root of this issue. Whenever someone asks me about stress around the holidays, I respond, “What are your expectations?” When someone mentions the holidays, what do you think about?”
Seriously, take a moment to answer this question for yourself. There was one woman I knew who said that when she thought of Thanksgiving, she pictured family members sitting around the television watching football and eating food.
The only problem? Her family didn’t do that so she would get depressed every Thanksgiving!
Together, she and I redefined what the holiday was. Her new Thanksgiving tradition was that she would volunteer at a food bank in the morning and go to the beach in the afternoon (she lived in Los Angeles, lucky duck!). Now she loves Thanksgiving because it always lives up to her expectations.
It’s important to protect your soul during the holidays. If you play into expectations like, “I should be with someone,” or “Christmas is only for couples,” you’re going to be disappointed.
So, once you get clear on your expectations, then you can create some new traditions that speak to your spirit and leave you feeling energized, loving and fulfilled. Maybe that means creating a spa day with your girls or going to a restaurant that you love.
In fact, here are some ideas for new traditions you can create:
Host a get-together at your place and invite all your single friends over. You just might be that light for someone else who is also feeling lonely or disappointed.
Create your own gifts. You can make everything for my friends and family this year. When you put time and energy into your gifts, you’ll begin to experience the love you wish to receive.
Bake cookies and invite friends over to enjoy them with you. Who ever turned down an invitation to a cookie and wine night? Not me!
I know that it’s not easy, but if you shift your focus toward what you wish to create, you can have a wonderful holiday season. I love Ghandi’s “Be the change you wish to see in the world.” My version is, “Be the love you want to receive.”
Offer your love to someone else, and I promise, you’ll feel it coming back to you in spades!
Are you going through the holidays by yourself this year? How will you create new traditions that care for your soul and create the love you wish to receive?
Please “Like” and share this post via social media using the buttons below!